Coping Skills for Teens and Adults - 9 Ways to Slow Down and Stay Present
There are tons of coping skills out there. During individual counseling and teen counseling sessions, I often find myself recommending certain coping skills to help clients regulate their emotions. Ideally, you would use these coping skills when your emotions start to rise. The focus is to try to get you to reset and regain control. I always want my clients to be in charge, not their emotions in charge.
Number 1: Start by simply slowing down. When things feel intense, your body speeds up, your heart rate increases, your thoughts race, and it can feel hard just to catch your breath. So the first thing you need to do is slow down. Slow down your breathing, slow down your movements, slow down the cadence of how you talk, and slow down your thoughts. If you take a long, deep breath in through your nose and slowly exhale through your mouth, this coping skill helps signal to your body to calm down.
If you want a visual, box breathing can be really helpful. The link is here:
https://pausebreathesmile.nz/box-breathing/
Number 2: Concentrate on your breathing. Yes, I know this might sound strange. However, if you can put all your focus and attention to your breath, the air moving in and out, your chest or your stomach rising and falling, the rhythm of each inhale and exhale, then it can be really helpful to give your mind something else to focus on. It serves as a calm, meditative distraction, and it can also send a message to your body that you are safe.
Number 3: Butterfly hold. This is a simple grounding technique that can help you feel more secured and centered. You basically cross your arms over your chest, placing your hands on each opposite shoulder. Then you can also gently tap back and forth, left to right. So it's a rhythmic movement, and it can be calming and help you regulate your nervous system. And it's also very close to #4 tapping.
Number 4: Tapping is another rhythmic technique that can reduce stress and anxiety. You basically lightly tap your hands on your legs or your fingers together, or just follow a simple left-right pattern. So similar to the butterfly hold, this repetition helps your body settle down and refocus. If you are interested in this, make sure to look up "bilateral stimulation" if you'd like to learn more about this and try different exercises.
Number 5: Guided meditation. Sometimes it helps to have a voice guide you through calming your mind. So a short guided meditation online, even if it is just a few minutes, can help. The focus is to slow your thoughts, relax your body, and bring you back to the present moment. There are guided meditation apps, videos, and recordings online that are really well-done. The idea is that your mind is powerful, so let's use it to create a sense of calm. So if you can follow a guided meditation and bring your body back into focus, that can be really useful. (And as a personal anecdote, I have used guided meditation to fall asleep, and it's really helpful to have something to listen to and follow.)
Number 6: Guided imagery. Close your eyes and picture a place where you feel safe and relaxed. I want you to try to really be specific in your visualization of it. It could be a quiet beach, a peaceful room, or a favorite outdoor spot. Whatever you want is fine, but I need you to really work on imagining the details. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you feel? The more vivid it is, the more calming it can be.
Number 7: Progressive muscle relaxation. This helps you become aware of tension in your body and then start the process to let it go. So what you want to do is start at your feet and work your way up. You want to tighten a muscle group, like your toes, for a few seconds as hard as you possibly can. You squeeze them, and then you slowly release them. Then you move up to the next area of your body. This could be your legs, then move up to your abs, then you move to your shoulders, and you squeeze and tense those muscles as hard as you can, and then you slowly release. This coping skill helps shift your focus away from the overwhelming thoughts. You are using healthy coping skills to try to let go of some of the stress that's built up physically in your body. So whether you're squeezing a stress ball or wringing out a towel, you're trying to do an action that gives your body a safe way to release tension and help you feel more grounded.
Number 8: Temperature. The idea with this coping skill is to jolt your body into the present moment. You can drink a cup of hot tea, take an ice cold bath, take a hot shower, place ice in your hands, etc. You can use temperature as a way to bring you back to the here-and-now.
Number 9: Mindfulness. This means being aware of the present moment you are in. Being able to recognize your current state, as is, and accept it without judgement. You can be aware of your current situation and not label it as good or bad. This is a key concept in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy if you want to do more research on this.
Coping skills do not have to be complicated to be effective. The key is really just finding out what works for you, and the only way to do that is actually try this out. It's trial and error. And only you know what is actually working and what is not. Take home message? Learn what works for you and use those skills in the stressful moments.
Whether you are a teen wanting to calm down or an adult wanting to control their emotions, coping skills can be really helpful. Coping skills are "tools" in your emotional toolbox.
If you or your teen is struggling to manage your emotions, you can always work with a counselor that can help you develop coping skills that are tailored specifically to you. Kessinger Counseling Group offers individual and teen counseling for ages 12 and up. We currently have daytime, evening, and weekend availability.